No I Haven't
by Silvie-chan
Summary: The mighty Pharaoh ponders the fate of his son, a thief, and himself.


No I Haven't 

By Lady Silver Dragon

Disclaimer: YGO ain't mine. Darn. This fic is though, so no stealies!! wags finger

Well, to follow up "Have You Ever?" I decided to write an Akunamakanon oneshot. It was kind of hard capturing his character right, and it was definitely a good writing exercise. It's not my best by far, but I do like it. Don't get me wrong; I still dislike Akunamakanon immensely, but it was fun writing this fic nonetheless.

My son, what have I _done_? What have I done, what have I done, _what have I done_?

How could I have been so blind to this all-consuming shadow? How could I have not seen it looming up before me to devour us all? What am I to _do_ my son? How could I have allowed such a darkness to be born, born in _my_ name? I fear the danger it has brought upon my land...no, _our_ land. Our wonderful, precious land. Our Kemet.

I cannot let it fall to the darkness.

But...this sadness tugs at my heart, whenever I remember that even though my hands did not form it, I am the father of this darkness.

It pains me son, to know that I have brought about so much horror to that poor, poor village...

The thief is coming for me, you know. He always will come. He never will rest until we are all _dead_, son. And not just us. Not just our kingdom. He wants _everything_ destroyed.

Even though he is our greatest enemy, I pity him.

How long has it been, since he has felt love touch his cold, hurting, heart? How can a person live without love? If it were not for you, the last of my children, I think I would have died the moment I found out what I had done.

Why? Why has my brother, the one whom I have _always_ trusted the most, betrayed me such? Why did he not tell me of this horrible price we've had to pay for peace?

...A peace I know shall not last a thousand years, as I had so proudly declared that day...not with that thief here.

It would have been better if he had died with the rest of them. But he didn't. By some miracle, he survived.

Is he my punishment? Did the gods spare him so they could punish their son? It is the only thing I can think of _why_. Why must this cycle of blood, and death always turn, my son? Is it the gods' cruel joke on us all? Do they enjoy stirring up trouble for us, son?

I _must_ find a way to seal this darkness I have created away. I will not allow it to consume our kingdom! I won't!

And I know you won't either, my son.

But _how_? How can we seal away this darkness, this darkness that calls for its own child? Its child, the thief, the criminal we know now born at its making (born of pain, born of blood, born of _death_). If the thief ever completes his task of killing us all, and taking the only salvation of this world, what will happen to this place we live? I know that the power of shadow knows no limits. The thief will not stop until he has _all_ of what he seeks, and he will stain his hands with our blood.

What can I do to _stop_ him, and his plans, my son? What can I do to save this land, our Egypt? I cannot abandon it, letting it die...

I will _not_ let it die. I refuse. I may pity the thief, but I will not just let him destroy all I love and care for. I deserve this pain, this destruction of all I have worked for. I know I do. But I will _not_ let him do destroy us all! I will not let him succeed in his plans of destruction! I will capture him, and I shall kill him, for killing those whom are dear to me!

And if I do not, I beg that _you_, my son, please, do this for me. If you can do anything, take this thief and destroy him. Do not give him a chance. Never trust him. Kill him. He killed your brothers, your sisters. He has tried killing your cousin. Do you remember the day that your cousin, still just an acolyte, was almost murdered? With his own sacrificial dagger no less. He would have died that day, had it not have been for our Healers. He was so frightened that day, your poor cousin. He's so frightened of everything, of what is expected of him. Ever since that day, he has never faltered again, no matter what _he_ wants, thinking only of his father's wishes, of our people's wishes.

But that is not the point, my dearest son.

That thief killed your mother. I know he did. She knew nothing. She had done _nothing_ to him. And yet she was the one to pay for my sins. He stole her heart, son. He took her still beating heart from her body, and he crushed it. He destroyed it.

Your mother will never reach the Afterlife. How this pains me, my son, to know that she will never get the rest she deserves, but will forever wander the plains. She was so _torn_ when we found her. So torn, and destroyed. She was no longer recognizable, son. She was nothing but a bloody carcass, her own innards strewn about the room, blood painted in a cruel picture about her. Never have I seen such rampant hate, and anger. It pains me greatly to know that because of my sins, she had to die, and not quickly. She died slowly, and painfully, because of _me_. And that she knew that she would never reach the Afterlife. Her heart was _destroyed_.

How can she be judged, if there is nothing to weigh?

And I know the thief knows I grieve.

I wonder; did he _enjoy_ killing her? How did he get her to mask her screams? Did we all just _forget_ about her that day? What did he tell her before she died? ...Did he tell her the truth? Did he tell her the whole, disgusting truth? Oh, I remember the day she died...she retired from the Hall, saying she was tired, and needed rest. Next we found her, she was dead...dead, dead, dead. Never to return.

I hated the thief that day, for I knew he had been the one to kill her. Only he would have been so cruel. There is nothing left in his own heart but hate, anger, and suffering. Does he care though? Does he _care_ that he has no one left who care for him? That all who know of him wish him dead? It must be a sad life he lives, this thief. Living for nothing but death and destruction.

I will be the one to bring death to him. I may have wronged him, but he has committed a great wrong against all of us, my son, and I shall not let this go without punishment.

For I am the Pharaoh: I am the Morning and the Evening Star, the living god of my people. I must be strong. I must be confident. I must do everything for my people. For I too, am Egypt, and I would do anything to protect this land. We have Kemet in our bones, my son, and we will do anything to protect it.

We live for Kemet. We kill for Kemet. We shall _die_ for Kemet. I know this lesson, and I know it well, my son.

That is why I, no _you_, my son, shall seal it all away...

I have begun a task that shall span across centuries, with you, my son, at its central core, a puzzle that will forever confuse the world. So that the shadow that creeps up to destroy us may never be released. Please, my son, forgive me for what I must do, for what you must do, and what the thief must do.

We are all bound by fate, and however much we rattle our chains, we shall never be free. We all must play our parts. I will do all I can to help you play yours. The thief dances across the stage of Destiny perfectly, never missing a mark, adding his own horrid flourishes that seem to magnify the destruction he leaves in his wake. I stumble across mine, barely hitting the right places at the right times; how can it be that I know so much about your own future, but so little of mine? How long will I be able to live, to watch, to teach you all I know? Will I die before I can tell you the truth? Will you ever know the truth? I am far too cowardly to tell it to you now...I beg the gods every night for forgiveness for what I have done, but I know they have not forgiven me, for the thief still burns with his hatred. He too, is just a tool of the gods, as am I, as are you.

My fair priestess of the Tauk predicted much one night, the night after that battle that destroyed our greatest enemy at the time (How petty that battle seems now...); I did not understand it then, but I do now. There are many paths you can take, and I can only hope I am leading you along the right one, that the future at the end of it is the _right_ one. Have I guessed wrongly? Have I chosen the impossible? Will you be able to destroy the thief, and seal away yourself and your faithful priests in the monstrosities I have created, truly causing a reign of peace for a thousand years?

I can only hope that you can fulfill the path you are walking; it is a difficult part you have, for you have the lead. You shall take my place as Pharaoh, and as the center of the thief's hatred. You are the only hope for this dying world. What a winding road you must take, full of sharp corners, full of danger, it is something I would never wish upon you, son.

But I must, for we are Egypt, and we must protect at all costs. Please, understand, my son. Understand this tapestry that has been rolled before you, understand and rule with a fair hand. Kill that thief. I now know that I shall never be able to. Kill him, so he too, can be put to rest, so that all of Kuruelna can finally be _dead_, so he can go to what's left of his family waiting for him in the Afterlife (How many of them did my priests enslave that night, I wonder? How many have a fate far worse then death?). So he shall no longer have to play the part of the destroyer, singing a song of pain and death. I pity him for that, for his destiny is to destroy, and to die, alone, unwanted, and hated.

But yours, my son, is much more important. I can only pray that you can complete it. For if all goes well, the shadow shall never be awakened again.

...but if Mahaado were to die...then the threads of Destiny would be so tangled, if he died, and the thief gained the Ring. There would be little hope for this world, for I know what you will have to do if Mahaado dies.

All our suffering would be for naught, my son.

Do not let me down. Do not let the _world_ down, my only, my last, my beloved son.

And do not forget that I love you.

Owari


End file.
